The New Year

No, this is not a cliche list of resolutions....I have those in a mental list and in my journal, hehe.

Whoa, two thousand ten is nearly over.

As I get older, time seems to fly faster.

I cannot believe how quickly this year has gone. It seems like just last week that I was:

 ecstatically flying down to Texas for staff training

then traveling to multiple states for the incredible experiences of staffing state classes

meeting and working with people whose friendships would come to mean so much to me

then summer came with graduation parties, cedar point and swing dancing

I went from wanting to major in Political Science and International Business to Visual Communications and Graphic Design. Crazy, huh? 

I still don't have much of a definite vision for my life, but I'm on a path.  

I've grown so much this year.

I've been stretched, and pushed. Discovered my strengths and weaknesses.

But more importantly, learned that I cannot do anything (and I mean anything) on my own. Christ has shown my just how helpless I am without His grace and strength.

I have noooo idea what 2011 will hold, but I know that no matter what happens, it will be an incredible year, because God is in control. 

Here's a little "year in pictures" type thing. This year held so much more than I could ever write down or put together a few pictures for, but...here's just a bit. 

I have been SO blessed.

I love you all so much. 

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december 27th

listening to Florence and the Machine on pandora and editing photos from the wedding.

wedding?! Yes! I shot my first wedding. My friends Naomi and David got married on Christmas Eve (how fun! I wouldn't want to get married anytime near Christmas, but it's a neat idea)  

Overall it went really well, it was a tiny wedding and a great experience for me.  Especially since it has helped me realize that I do not want to be a wedding photographer.  

I prefer more one on one photography, versus groups / events. This isn't saying that I'll never do a wedding again (in fact, I'm doing another one in May...lol) but, I've just realized that it's not my passion. Which, is okay. I'm glad that I've come to this conclusion. 

Speaking of photography, hurrah for Christmas presents being lenses! 

I got : 

Sigma 70-300mm

Canon 18-55mm

Old Canon 28mm (with an FD mount adapter)

All of these pictures were taken with  the 28mm

Yesssss, the inside of our fridge. I was excited about my lens. ;)

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haircut / more Christmas thoughts

Of course, when I say "the bangs are back" I really mean :


"my bangs are cut again, but in a shocking new way and style that I've never had". 


But, that doesn't fit or flow as nicely as "the bangs are back" now does it? 

I look like Daphne from Scooby Doo, don't I? hehe 

As an addition to my previous post about my various "grinchy" thoughts regarding Christmas, I've realized that it's not "Christmas" that I'm not getting into the spirit of, it's the society version of Christmas that has me irked. 


It really made me think when I read this from "Let's Keep Christmas" by Peter Marshall.

Have you been saying, "I just can't seem to feel the Christmas spirit this year"?  That's too bad. As a confession of lack of faith, it is rather significant. 

You are saying that you feel no joy that Jesus came into the world.   

You are confessing that his presence in the world is not a reality to you... 

Maybe you need all the more to read the Christmas story over again, need to sit down with the Gospel of Luke and think about it.

I read this, and I was struck with a wave of guilt.  Now, of course I had to take what I read with a grain of salt. Because, it made me realize that what was bugging me wasn't Christmas,  but the society's fluff regarding Christmas. 


A term that's ridiculously overused is "Christmas has become commercialized", and I don't want to say that because I really don't have a huge issue with Christmas being commercialized, everything is commercialized in some way. 
I've realized why Christmas songs have been bugging me this year, and it's because they're insincere.* Popular artists sing "What Child is This?" and "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing" without meaning any of the lyrics and go back to their worldly lives and ways. When Frank Sinatra or Weezer sing 

Christ by highest heav'n adored
Christ the everlasting Lord!

They aren't sincere, they don't believe that Christ is the everlasting Lord. 

And that irks me. 

It is such a joy for me to sing these Christmas songs and hymns in church, because it's the body of believers lifting their voices to the heavens singing 

Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!" 

 and I know they mean it. 

Further along in the book, Peter Marshall also said 

And then you will also remember what Christmas means - the beginning of Christianity...

The second Chance for the world...

                       the hope of peace...

                                    and the only way. 

The promise that the angels sang is the most wonderful music the world has ever heard. "Peace on earth and good will toward men" 

[Christmas] is a promise- God's promise - of what one day will come to pass.

Merry Christmas, everybody. 

p.s I love wrapping presents
p.p.s parents are SO hard to shop for
p.p.p.s I have nothing more to say but I always think adding a "p.p.p.s" is just plain awesome. yeah.

*I say this as a sweeping generalization, of course not everybody who sings these songs are insincere.

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'tis the season

Snow is on the ground and stores are jam packed with holiday decorations and gift deals.
The 'Christmas Spirit' is all around and people go around humming Deck the Halls.

Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la la
Then, why don't I feel jolly?

Typically I enjoy Christmas music as soon as Thanksgiving passes, and I fully enjoy all the festivities through the whole month. But not this year.

When I hear Christmas music (unless it's purely instrumental) I change the station and I avoid watching any of the usually fun holiday movies.

I feel like such a Grinch. (although, I love that cartoon! That is one that has made my 'acceptable' list this year) Hehe. In fact, most movies I despise are Christmas movies, like Christmas Carol and It's a Wonderful Life.

But of course, thankfully movies and carols aren't what Chrismas is truly about- so it's not a big deal that I'm not really enjoying them this year. ;)

Well, hopefully I'll get over my anti-Christmas attitude.

But, Christmas break is here! Finals are over, and I am more than glad of it.

I'm one to freak out if I don't get 100% on everythig.  So earlier today when all my grades came back, and I saw a lone B (amongst A's)- I freaked out.

Over-achieving homeschooler that I am, I thought that getting a less than perfect grade was a sign of failure. (see previous posts on fear of failure)

But, after my parent's consoled me and convinced me that a B grade is still above average....and that I did just fine, the panic stopped. Now, I'm just happy that I passed all my classes with generally flying colors. Thank you, Jesus!

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if time is to be wasted, this is indeed the way

30 Facts

1. I love taking shortcuts while driving, even if it only puts me one car ahead, I feel so accomplished and triumphant.
   
   
2. I am a huge nerd. I know random facts about Star Wars and Superheros that I don't even know how or why I know. Deep down inside, I'm a veritable bevy of useful nerdy trivia.
   
   
3. I love the name Emma, it's what I always wanted to be named.
   
   
4. I hate sites like Piknik, because usually the results are neon colored monstrosities from teenage girls using Comic Sans saying “BFFFFFFFFF <3<#<3”. Not a fan. ;) *sorry if you love Piknik, I know great picture edits and come from it, but for the most part it's awful.
   
   
5. When I was younger I always wanted a secret room or passageway. In fact, I still want one. Hehe.
   
   
6. Shoes. Scarves. Jewelry. (I really wanted three “S” words, but I couldn't think of one besides “Shiny”, but I like more than just shiny jewelry.)
   
   
7. I have a whole notebook that I'm filling with random notes, letters, lists and doodles for my future husband. As sort of a “look” in my life for him. (yeah, cheesy I know...but, hopefully he'll appreciate it)
   
   
8. I am a lot meaner and pessimistic in my head that what I actually am aloud. Sometimes it slips out too, usually in the form or sarcasm.
   
   
9. Seasonal peppermint drinks from Starbucks, peppermint cheesecake tastes horrible to me. I like mints, but not to drink or chew them. Peppermint Patties are a no go too.
   
   
10. Between now and May, I will be proposed to between 6 and 24 times by the same guy, and I will say yes every time. ;-)
    
    
11. I don't like sugar cookies, or white cake.
    
    
12. I always wanted to be a twin, but now I've switched from wanting a twin sister to a twin brother.
    
    
13. I have a Snuggie, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I love it.
    
    
14. I love to swing dance.
    
    
15. If something is mini- I will think it is adorable. Mini umbrellas, cupcakes, m&ms, ducks, nail polishes, notepads, to-go cups....anything mini. Yup.
    
    
16. I have the weirdest dreams.
    
    
17. If I tease you incessantly, it's because you're my friend.
    
    
18. My natural speed for talking is extremely fast, but I've learned to slow myself down so most people can actually understand me.
    
    
19. I usually don't like the smell of cucumber melon things.
    
    
20. Grapefruit is the most disguising fruit in the world.
    
    
21. Looking back on this, I feel narcissistic because all of the numbers have “I”in them.
    
    
22. One of my life goals is to travel the world.
    
    
23. When I go to places, I scope out where all the exits and security cameras are. I'm such a nerd, but I feel like Jason Bourne.
    
    
24. While living in Texas, I went to church with the Jonas Brothers. (of course, we were all just about 4-8ish years old. Lol)
    
    
25. I'm easily annoyed by people's immaturity, foolishness and incompetence. But, it takes a LOT to get me actually angry, buuuut then there's an explosion. (lol, nooot so great)
    
    
26. I try not to drink a lot of soda, but I LOVE Diet Dr. Pepper. It's bad. :(
    
    
27. It annoys me when I cannot identify a smell, but on the bright side, I've gotten quite good at identifying smells. =]
    
    
28. Sometimes I notice very obscure little details about things, people, surrounds or conversations.
    
    
29. Fun fact : my eyes are nearly the same color as my hair.
    
    
30. If you give me Chex Mix, I will love you forever.     

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it's that white fluffy stuff

snow, drifting lightly from the sky has said helloooo ohio.

back deck

 vintage post processed road 

 the bridge to the other side of the bridge 

 redhead in love with her new purple ski jacket

Decided? No, we have just finished saying "Good Morning". 

 "ooohh, I've been travelin' on this road too long"

 front yard

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Spectacular Plan

Of all the phobias in the world, my biggest fear is fear of failure. (and arachnophobia...) 

• failure in college
• failure in relationships
• failure to live up to expectations

I'm not the type of person to get depressed at the drop of a hat. In fact, I don't think I've ever *really* been depressed. But, I certainly have my moments of being down about things. 

--College--

I've started college for my associates degree in graphic design. I'm at a local technical college, still living at home. Not exactly where I thought I would be, but it's turning out good and I'm appreciating it. (plus, it's a whole heck of a lot cheaper than most universities) 

I'm getting good grades, so I'm not literally failing, but I get the feeling like life isn't moving fast enough for me. (which, I'll discuss in the "relationships" section too...)

One of my best friends is CLEPing his way through college, and he's nearly done after only about a year. I know that graphic design is a little different, since it requires a lot of hands on things that you can't just test out of, but being the over-achieving home schooler I am, it seems like I should be going a lot faster my schooling. 

I have to realize that it's okay to be 'normal' for once, and do college at a typical pace. 

--Relationships--

(or lack thereof) 

I should clarify, I don't mean friendship relationships. I'm not lacking in friendships,I so appreciate all of my friends, they have been such a blessing to me. But, I'm talking about *ahem* special relationships. (whenever I see a state route "S.R" sign I always, always first think "special relationship"! thanks TeenPact. hehe) 

I don't have a boyfriend, or anything remotely close to that. 

I've never been asked out on a date. 

I'm 18, never been kissed. 

As a whole, I'm generally fine with these facts. I've learned to be content with where God has placed me, in this time of my life. Appreciate my 'singleness' and enjoy my life. 

But, it gets difficult when nearly everybody around me is in a relationship of some kind and I just feel left out.  Now, I don't feel like I 'need' a boyfriend to feel complete or anything like that, I'm quite stable in myself as a person, but- sometimes I just think it would be nice. 

I'm only 18, and I know it's ridiculous to feel "left out" or "behind" because I'm not in a relationship, because I really have plenty of time and lots of life to live. But still.

--Expectations--

Expectations really apply to all of these sections. 

Everybody expects me to be going to a really good 4 year art school instead of a local tech college.

I'm expected to be in a relationship. (augh, so frustrating)

I'm expected to be this mature, spiritually deep person.

Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed with everything that people expect of me. I'm all for raising expectations for teens, and pushing your self and getting out of your comfort zone. 

But, I'm NOT PERFECT, people! Don't expect me to be. 

I'm going to fail at times, and you shouldn't be so shocked when I do. 

I'm expected to know exactly what I want to do with my life, and have precise career goals planned out. 

Well, I don't. 

And I'm OK with that. Every one else should too. (I'll stop venting now. ;] )

Anyway, to sum it all up, I just wish I could skip ahead five years and be past the college part, maybe to the married part, and halfway to the "having life figure out" part. 

But, all of this just brings me entirely closer to Christ. Realizing that I can't figure things out on my own, and how much I need to rely on Him for everything. That he has a spectacular plan for my life, college, relationships and absolutely everything else.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. -Phillippians 4:6

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Barbie and Blogs

prom·ise

 

[prom-is]  Show IPA

noun, verb, -ised, -is·ing.

-noun

1. a declaration that something will or will not be done, given, etc., by one

2. an express assurance on which expectation is to be based

Here I am, expressing assurance that I will indeed write in this blog, and keep up with it. 

I promise. ;)  

I loved Barbies growing up. (-gasp- yes, I was allowed to play with Barbies. *homeschool shun*)

 I had a whole bin full of the dolls, I had the pink cars, the furniture, even a small inflatable pool for Barbie and her friends. As I got older, my fascination with Barbies faded in and out. By the time I was 11, I really didn't play with them much. But, once in a while my (then) best friend and I would pull them out, and spend forever getting them dressed and setting up their houses and accessories. But then, we'd get everything set up....and just stop. We wouldn't want to act out their lives. All we wanted to do was dress them up and put them in their surroundings. (it's no wonder I love fashion and interior design)  

How I played with Barbies is kind of how I've blogged in the past. I would spend forever "dressing up" my blog, but then never do anything else with it. 

This is a new day.  (or so I hope) 

I have so many thoughts and ideas floating around my head, and I love reading other people's blogs. So, I might as well push myself into making one and actually posting in it. 

I don't really expect anybody to read this blog, and if you do read it, don't expect anything amazing from it. Haha. 

Huge thanks to Erika Aileen for inspiring me to blog again. I love you more than words can describe.

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