We so often hear people talking about "getting out of your comfort zone" and many times it is applied to meeting new people. Parts of devotionals and Bible studies are dedicated to "coming out of your cave" and getting out there, meeting and encouraging people.
I'm not shy (although I used to be), I'm not afraid to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger, so I have a different problem.
I just don't feel like talking to people. Even further, I don't feel always like pursuing and putting effort into friendships.
Isn't that a lot of selfish feeling on my part? Yes. It is.
I've especially noticed this with my relationships with girls. I generally get along with guys very well. (which, can be a pain because I'm just naturally friendly and then they think I "like" like them when I'm totally don't and then it's just a mess...but, anyways)
(this isn't going to be a post about how close you should get to guys regarding friendships or emotional attachment or anything like that....yes, some of my best friends are guys....and yes, I think that's okay)
Girl-to-girl friendships take more than guy-to-girl friendships. Usually with my close guy friends, we simply understand each other, and there's not a whole lot 'beneath the surface'.
Truthfully, I STILL don't understand how many females think...and....I AM one!!
Guys you can just talk to and there's (usually) no underlying emotional issues just waiting fizzle forth for you to deal with. (fizzle forth? baha,I feel like Dr. Seuss....)
I'm not a very emotional or sensitive girl, and sometimes I have a hard time with girls who are. Just because I want to give her a good shake and say "This is SO not a big deal, stop. having. issues." (aaand, consoling people is NOT a career for me....)
But, all of that boils down to selfishness and laziness on my part, not wanting to put considerable effort into those friendships that take a lot. Because, (GASP) apparently the world doesn't revolve around me and what relationships I want to have.
It's been hard recently because a lot of friendships / relationships have changed for me, and I need to make a conscience effort to decide which relationships I want to invest in and which I shouldn't.
Especially with girls.
I need to pursue friendships with girls even when I, truthfully, just don't feel like it.
But like I said before, my life is NOT about what I feel like doing. It's about what I should be doing.
Last year I came to the harsh realization that sometimes certain relationships with people can have consequences that ruin MY plans. But, not GOD'S plans. God places people in our lives for a reason. As humans we need relational interation, that's part of the reason why there's Church; to fellowship with fellow believers.
Relationships aren't only about what I gain, but what other can gain through me. (this doesn't mean that I think that I'm God's gift to the world of friendships...by NO means) Friendships go both ways, you cannot have a healthy one-sided friendship. It takes effort from both people.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. - Ephesians 4:2-3
It doesn't take much to take that step to invest in relationships, it just requires small sacrifices. Although you may be on facebook, chances are you are not investing in relationships. You're just "liking" what person A said about person B's status regarding something funny they saw that day. Taking a bit time out of my "mind wasting" activities (facebook/hulu/movies/websurfing) and praying for a friend, sending her a note on facebook (which, if you've ever been on the receiving end is SUCH a blessing. something redeeming about facebook. ;] )
It's NOT that hard, so why am I selfishly avoiding it?
He must become greater; I must become less. -John 3:30
6 comments:
Haha, I like that I can't just "like" this, because I so much more than like it!!!
I agree about girls, first of all. They're all insane and 98.9% of the time I want nothing to do with almost any of them.
Second - you are an exception.
Third - I've realized a lot about relationships in the last year, too. Mostly that if people don't build me up, instead of just not actively tear me down, that those are relationships I most certainly shouldn't bother investing in.
I've realized that some people are best left acquaintances, and that I'm totally okay with that.
Definitely not the same thing you've realized for you, but it was a freakin' eye-opener for me. I got rid of a lot of fruitless, stagnant relationships with a lot of fruitless, stagnant people last year, and my life has had MUCH less stress. :)
LOVEYOU!<3
Haha Ruthie, I love the line "This is SO not a big deal, stop. having. issues." :D It's true. Girls are dramatic. We blow things up for know reason and go on these stupid highs and lows that are a waste of energy and time.
I would say I'm more like you in that I'm more steady and not as openly emotional. It takes a lot for me to really blow up. However, I think VERY deeply, which is sometimes a problem, and I can read other people really well. And I AM a counselor too... I inherited that trait from my mom. It's weird because my mom says I have this natural abibility to understand what someone is going through personally, even if I've gone through it. But it's true... I "get it" and can usually relate to people in a lot of different ways. That's good, but it's also bad because I get wrapped up in other people's issues easier than my own. With myself, I'm more like, "Cassie, get over it." Ohhhh yes, I can be VERY practical (with myself at least). With friends, I tend to be extra sensitive...
I think it's okay not to pursue every girl relationship. You shouldn't be trying to be close friends with them because you feel guilty that you're not. And "being a good friend" has many different meanings... it doesn't always mean being in contact with them ALL THE TIME. It can just be engaging with them when you do see them, and really caring about your friendship. But you shouldn't be the only one trying to make a friendship work either. As you said, relationships take TWO people. If you feel like a friendship is slacking, it's not all your fault. Sometimes, life just moves on in different directions and you can't do anything about it.
I have a friend from 9 years ago that I see maybe 6 times a year. I've known her FOREVER, she lives 15 minutes away, we used to be best friends, but we hardly ever do anything anymore. When we do see each other, we pick back up right where we left off, and it works for us that way. We both understand that things have changed, but we still love each other. It's just a different kind of friendship. I think it's ok that some friendships required "less effort."
Relationships are hard and take time, but usually there worth it if it's someone who you blieve you should be spending time with. There are those people who I've come to realize I do not need to be good friends with them. They're just not my "type," (and yes, I have a type...) and it wouldn't be a very beneficial friendship on either end. And remember, it's just people. They come and go, and you'll always have new people entering your life... think of me for this year!!! :D
I also think it's great that you have good guy friends... you're truly blessed. But I know you have great girl friends too. In my opinion, you're a wonderful friend....you're a blast to hang out with, and I love all the random things you do on facebook (even if it IS facebook) to make me smile. :)
Somehow I think you're making guys sound emotionally shallow here. :(
No, not at all. I meant more that guys usually aren't as emotionally draining for me as girls are.
Amen to that one. ;) Having any sort of relationship with a female is inherently going to be more emotionally taxing than having a relationship with a guy, being a guy myself I can tell you I'll study more of the connection between each based on what we would talk about, what we would do together, the times we spent having a good time, and less of the underlying emotions...those matter of course but I think males in general will put other things before that...which I'm supposing is the opposite for girls, of course i'm no girl so I wont speak for girls. ;)
Wow. It honestly feels like you crawled into my brain and said everything I've been thinking about for the past few months. Thanks for this girl!
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