self image and supermodels

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend* , and she said that it was finally getting easier for her to walk into malls and stores and see the models and not feel self conscious about her body. (fyi- my friend is totally gorgeous and thin)  I was really surprised to hear this, because seeing skinny supermodels and actresses has never made me feel self-conscious about my body....looking at my friends and people around me does. 


I have a theory for this too. (if I didn't...well, then I wouldn't have a blog post, now would I?) 


Everybody knows the big outrage about women in the media being photoshoped to look like unrealistic Barbies,** etc..etc...  (I actually don't have a problem with that....magazine covers are MEANT to be edited..it's just the way the business works)  Since I know  exactly how much people in the media are photoshoped, and because I could photoshop them myself.....that's why looking at them doesn't make me want to lose weight.  


But, the girls around me ARE real, and I know that THEIR beauty is something attainable for me. They haven't been altered or edited....thus, I feel like I should look more like them.

Lose weight.             Be a smaller pant size.                  Be more toned.

If you do those things, THEN everything will be better.  

Guys will find you attractive, you'll attract a husband. 

You will be more athletic and people will like to play sports with you.

Thus, you will be more fun. 

All of those things I have been told over the years, and it's really, really hard not to believe them.


Now, don't go all "oh no, ruthie is about to cry about herself in a corner. quick! console! console!"**
No, all of this is mostly just observations on my part. 


I'm finally to the point of not comparing myself to the girls around me. (sometimes...lol) 
God doesn't focus on outward appearances, so maybe I shouldn't either? 
I should be more attentive to the condition of my heart and soul****, than the status of my dress size. 

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”          - 1 Samuel 16:7    

*she-who-must-not-be-named
**For the record, I played with Barbies when I was little, and I never thought "oh, this is what I should look like."
***I'm REALLY not the cry in the corner type...
****heaaart and souuul, dah da da dah dah dah!!! okay, musical interlude is over. 



P.S
Oh yeah- also....blog redesign. bam.

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reality hits relationship

We so often hear people talking about "getting out of your comfort zone" and many times it is applied to meeting new people. Parts of devotionals and Bible studies are dedicated to "coming out of your cave" and getting out there, meeting and encouraging people. 

I'm not shy (although I used to be), I'm not afraid to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger, so I have a different problem.  

I just don't feel like talking to people. Even further, I don't feel always like pursuing and putting effort into friendships. 

Isn't that a lot of selfish feeling on my part? Yes. It is. 

I've especially noticed this with my relationships with girls. I generally get along with guys very well. (which, can be a pain because I'm just naturally friendly and then they think I "like" like them when I'm totally don't and then it's just a mess...but, anyways)

(this isn't going to be a post about how close you should get to guys regarding friendships or emotional attachment or anything like that....yes, some of my best friends are guys....and yes, I think that's okay)

Girl-to-girl friendships take more than guy-to-girl friendships. Usually with my close guy friends, we simply understand each other, and there's not a whole lot 'beneath the surface'. 

Truthfully, I STILL don't understand how many females think...and....I AM one!! 

 

Guys you can just talk to and there's (usually) no underlying emotional issues just waiting fizzle forth for you to deal with. (fizzle forth? baha,I feel like Dr. Seuss....)

I'm not a very emotional or sensitive girl, and sometimes I have a hard time with girls who are. Just because I want to give her a good shake and say "This is SO not a big deal, stop. having. issues."  (aaand, consoling people is NOT a career for me....)

But, all of that boils down to selfishness and laziness on my part, not wanting to put considerable effort into those friendships that take a lot.  Because, (GASP) apparently the world doesn't revolve around me and what relationships I want to have.  

It's been hard recently because a lot of friendships / relationships have changed for me, and I need to make a conscience effort to decide which relationships I want to invest in and which I shouldn't. 

Especially with girls. 

I need to pursue friendships with girls even when I, truthfully, just don't feel like it.  

But like I said before, my life is NOT about what I feel like doing. It's about what I should be doing. 

Last year I came to the harsh realization that sometimes certain relationships with people can have consequences that ruin MY plans. But, not GOD'S plans. God places people in our lives for a reason. As humans we need relational interation, that's part of the reason why there's Church; to fellowship with fellow believers. 

Relationships aren't only about what I gain, but what other can gain through me. (this doesn't mean that I think that I'm God's gift to the world of friendships...by NO means) Friendships go both ways, you cannot have a healthy one-sided friendship. It takes effort from both people. 

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.   - Ephesians 4:2-3

It doesn't take much to take that step to invest in relationships, it just requires small sacrifices. Although you may be on facebook, chances are you are not investing in relationships.  You're just "liking" what person A said about person B's status regarding something funny they saw that day.  Taking a bit time out of my "mind wasting" activities (facebook/hulu/movies/websurfing) and praying for a friend, sending her a note on facebook (which, if you've ever been on the receiving end is SUCH a blessing. something redeeming about facebook. ;] ) 

It's NOT that hard, so why am I selfishly avoiding it? 

He must become greater; I must become less.    -John 3:30

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giant headphones

I took a break from designing logos and business cards to play with photobooth. ;] 

clashing plaids, oh yeah!

fishy face!

I throw my hands up in the aaaiiir sometimes, saying aaay ohhh 

 aaand, I'm going to get back to work now....

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I'm not much for poetry, but...

This is most likely the only bit of poetry I'll ever write. 
My grandpa has final stage Alzheimer's and dementia. He was first diagnosed in 2007, and since then he has continued to worsen.


At the time I thought this poem was silly and stupid, but looking back, I rather like it.
I wrote this in 2008 for my mom, who was and still is, giving the gospel to her father.
It's written from her perspective, from a daughter to her parent.    

12-26-2008

I wish I could see inside your mind,

like a clock, the way gears turn and grind.

If for a moment I could see

the way you look at the world and me

Perhaps I'd understand what is taking your mind,

and then see how fast we're losing time.

Will the day ever come,

when you won't recognize me from anyone?*

But until that awful time arrives

I will use my gifts that God provides.

To show you why and how to live,

and that God's love and grace forgives.

Because I love you, yes I do,

I want to spend eternity together: God, me and you. 

*two years later, he doesn't recognize us. 

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