proving myself + shining lights

A few weeks ago I found out that I didn't get a summer job I had applied for. It would've been an amazing experience, and at the time, I was pretty disappointed about not getting it. 

Yes, it would've been wonderful, but I'm adopting the true (although cliche) viewpoint that it's just not what God wants for me and that something better will come around. 


Recently so many doors have closed for me. It's discouraging and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. Of course, this is just my insecurities speaking. Interestingly enough though, it's not because I worry about what other people think. It's more that I feel the need to prove to MYSELF that I'm capable of doing something. 


But, in the midst of closed doors and disappointments, small lights have been shining. 
Whether it's encouragement of friends, or an upcoming photography internship...God is showing me that, oh...I don't have it that badly, and should stop complaining. 


Two songs to leave ya'll with. 

I downloaded this song for free on NoiseTrade.com yesterday, and I've been listening to it all day. 

And of course, since I said "shining lights", I just had to include this song. I actually really like this music video too...usually music videos are awful, but I like this one. :) 

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good day

today was just dad and I, and it was marvelous! mom is out of town for the day, and so we just did "dad and daughter" things all day.  we re-painted (well, he painted) the kitchen, we got a bunch of cleaning done, went to Wal-Mart and then Pat Catans (I adoore craft stores!), watched Batman Begins and now we're making dinner together. :) hurrah

We have a gazillion cords behind our couch, and so we got a large vase [vaaaah-Z] and arranged dried grass and such in it. It looks lovely and hides all the cords nicely. Of course, the minute I had them all arranged, I dragged it all over to the sliding door to get some nice diffused light, and started shooting. :) 

toats unedited. :) it's rare that I post a completely unedited picture...so, whee! 

the rest of these have an artsy blue feel to them. :)

 I got all artsy with this one too. messed with the aperture, and made it a little fuzzy and "painting" like. hehe

 faav 

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super moon + ginger rogers dress

The famed "super moon" was out last night. granted, it wasn't as gigantic as some people had predicted, but it was still quite nice. I dragged myself outside on our deck, backed up nearly into the pool (eek!) in order to get a clear shot.  :)  

ps. this photo is dedicated to Jenn...since she seems to adore pictures of the moon....since she...can't see it herself? ;P 

yesterday was also a wedding! I have mixed feelings about weddings. I'm not a hater or a lover. I love certain parts, but dislike others. I think weddings will get increasingly better once they're "my friends" weddings versus my "parent's friends".   

I ADORE this picture. 

It's kind of a random picture of me to really love, but I do. It's the "how low can you go" part of the Cha Cha Slide....and it's two amazing friends of mine. =] 

I was so happy with the dress I found about 3 days before the wedding. It was $13 at JCPenney, and it's so retro and flowy! Here's another picture where you can see the whole thing. 

It reminds me of something that Ginger Rogers or Vera Ellen would wear, and that just thrills me. 

This week is spring break! 

Hopefully I'll get to all the things that I "didn't have time for" before. 

One of which is brainstorming with Erika on our respective photography pursuits. 

I'm trying to think of a name for my photography. Something to stick on all my photos for now, and then eventually brand myself as an actual legit photographer. 

This is my inspiration board.  (can we say type A personality?)  

My most recent music find / music obsession is the group "Shine Bright Baby". Depending if I can fit it into my schedule, I might see them in concert on April 9. (another part of my newest love of concert photography)  

I also feel the urge to update my blog design...I may just have to do that now.... :) 

~Ruthie 

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modern art = I could do that.

One of my biggests fears is looking back on my life and thinking "I could've done that" then realizing "yeah, but I didn't". 

I see the life I want to have and the person I want to be, but I don't know how to get there. 

 I have so many selfish and vain ambitions for my life. 

Lord, help me be content in where I am in life right now.

that is all. 

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our grand plans

we have all these ideas about life.
we have precise plans and expectations.


but, what happens when  plans we think are immutable, suddenly aren't so certain.


Of course, this shouldn't be news to me, since many of my best laid plans end up in the gutter because God has something far better. (or at least, just different) But, specifically...I'm talking about relationships and marriage. 


Often, as Christians, we have this handy dandy 'life plan' when it comes to relationships. 
We'll Kiss Dating Goodbye and hold out until the perfect, godly young guy comes around. Once that happens, it's the checklist of getting to know each other's families, the parents start treating this young guy like a son. Everything is wonderful, you start holding hands, then he sweetly proposes, you get married a year later, have your first kiss on your wedding day, and then live happily ever after with 5 kids. 


But, that plan isn't perfect. I think sometimes people are pressured into marrying the first person they date. (or court, or whatever you label it. really people, it's very nearly the same thing)


Now, don't get me wrong...I'm not for dating a gazillion guys, but I also think that life cannot be prescribed into a set mold that works for everybody.  Yes, it *would* be nice and sweet to marry your high school sweetheart, or the first guy you're in a relationship with. Yes, I'm sure it would save a lot of heartache. 


But, sometimes we have people all paired up, and we don't think about the possibility of "maybe they're NOT right for each other." I feel like there's a lot of Christian pressure about this. If your "first relationship" doesn't lead to marriage, then you've done something wrong. This is all said, thought and pressured, without the idea being presented that perhaps it's "God's will" for people to learn from experiences, tough as it might be, and then move on with life. 


Only Christ knows the plans He has for us all, we shouldn't pretend that we do and inflict judgement when "our ideas" don't work out. 


Lol, this is definitely a "random ruthie rant" blog post. ;) 

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wedding shower and found dresses

Today I made probably THE lamest joke I've ever made (and trust me, I've made some pretty awful ones).

So, I was at a wedding shower, and a 9 year old girl asked if the wedding had happened already, and we were explaining that the shower always comes before the wedding. 

and I said,

just like water, the shower comes before the wetting. 

needless to say, I amused myself. 

but, that's about it. ;) 

gingerbread muffins! which, looked great...but, I didn't eat because I'm not a fan of muffins. (gasp, crazy...I know) 

cookies! which, again...I didn't eat. I'm not one for cookies either. heh

failed attempted at tilt shift 

pink lemonade! 

potted plant. (in case you couldn't tell...plus, I just needed a caption)

side remains of a burned building downtown

again, walking around town, I underestimated the wind chill factor. 

BRR, it was freezing.

But! Due to the terribly cold temperatures, I was "forced" into a shop for warmth. (since, I had left my coat in the car since it was 'sunny' out) 

best mistake ever. 

I found a dress!! 

Now, of course...I don't *need* a dress...well, I COULD think of a need. I'm going to a wedding in a month and a few this summer, and although I "have" a dress, I kind of wanted a new one.  

I didn't buy it at the time, since I didn't want to impulse buy, but I think I'm going to go back and get it Monday..

Thoughts? 

the coloring on the close up picture is more realistic....thinking back, I don't know WHY I used the pathetic camera on my phone instead of using my DSLR which was right next to me. 0_o 

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from the west to the east

From the west to the east, I have flown to be near you

I have come all this way to be close, to be here with you
And now, all my heart I will lay down precisely at your feet  

Love Letter to Japan - by The Bird And The Bee 

 I've had that song stuck in my head all day, but also I wanted to share this incredible video! It's "The Twelve Girls Band" performing a cover of Coldplay's "Clocks" using only traditional Chinese instruments.  
It's unlike any cover you've ever heard, and a beautiful mixture of the western and eastern cultures. :) :) 

Also, tonight I went outside and froze just to get this picture.
(for the today being incredibly warm, I was horribly shocked by the coldness of the evening. seriously. heh)

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